


White

by NiaChase



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Brotherly Angst, Coma, Crying, Desperation, Hospitalization, Solitary Confinement, quiet thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NiaChase/pseuds/NiaChase
Summary: Quiet Thoughts of Beyond and L.
Relationships: Beyond Birthday & L
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	White

Solitary confinement is the most peaceful place on earth, but that's what makes it dangerous. When people think of solitary confinement, they automatically think of prison or jail. No, solitary confinement can be simple like an empty room with no distractions. You're just left with your thoughts about everything and nothing. You only have to take care of yourself. That's what makes it peaceful.  


But it was so dangerous.  


Beyond wouldn't say it was the devil's playground, but really a test on yourself and your own sanity. For Beyond, it was looking straight at the wall, the color white surrounding his and taunting him.

Strangely, it sounded like his own voice. Beyond didn't dare move a muscle, just sitting on the floor and listening, trying to make the voices make sense. If he tried to focus, it sounded more like gibberish, but looking dead into the wall, feeling himself not quite there, it sounded so clear.  


_Everyone hates you._  


Beyond never really cared about it, mostly focusing on himself and his life, but he would guess family and a few friends played a part, as much as he didn't want it too. He knew how to make decisions for himself and wasn't the one to hold back about who he is.

He guessed there are consequences when you be yourself or you get to know a person. He heard the whispers, the tone, the small changes from the usual, and maybe the ignoring. It shouldn't matter...  


But it did.  


_I never thought that how he was.  
_

_He's so harsh.  
_

_Horrible  
_

_Horrible  
_

BANG!  


Beyond hit his head against the wall, making the voices shut up just for a while. Peace. He just wants peace. White, it was supposed to be a very innocent color. A color of purity and grace. A color... of insanity. So god damn bright but drew him in like a moth to a flame.  


Just fucking burn me already.  


He took a deep breath and started over, looking at the wall and losing himself again. The voices were quieter... for now. He thought about the happy times with his brother. The laughter, the innocence, the feeling of heat against his skin. It wasn't fire, but the bright sun that was more white than the color yellow people usually associated the sun.

He was younger, bare feet on the grass, feeling the prickling beneath his feet and the cool wind that kissed his skin. He had no destination in mind, having fun with the imagination a child usually has and use most of his childhood. If he looked over, he could see his twin, a bright smile as they followed each other, childish laughter as they took freedom for granted.  


Growing up was like a slap in the face.  


It was funny. As a child, you don't care, but then, you slowly do. You try so hard to keep that childish innocence, the blank white canvas that once meant freedom, not tainted with quiet words and thought from others and slowly yourself.  
_Just fucking tell me!_  


Beyond frowned and growled, then looked around as if someone else made that sound. The voices, the white, it trapped all his overwhelming thought and emotions. It was pure hell. The voices started getting louder, making Beyond cock his head as if trying to hear them.  


_You're such a freak.  
_

_You're not the same.  
_

_I thought you were my friend!  
_

"Shut up!" Beyond yelled, then sighed. His brother, L, grew distant. Or maybe Beyond was damaged and it was for the better. He felt alone. He wants to go back to when he never knew anyone, back when all he had was freedom. No pressure, no anything. Freedom.  


Fucking color white.  


So horrible.  


Beyond left because he wanted freedom, his brother becoming bigger and better. Was he jealous... maybe a little. But he was proud of him. That's how he wanted to feel. Or maybe he did and that's why he wanted to destroy his brother.  


...  


It didn't make sense to him either.  


White.  


The color of insanity. He felt trapped. Trapped in his own mind... his own thought. "I wanna go home... I'm sorry... Let me go home..." Beyond whimpered and curled up to a ball. He wants happiness, joy, to not suffer anymore.

He wants freedom, but no. He was trapped. He wiped his eyes. He would give anything to be held again, to feel the warmth and hear the beating heart of his brother. To feel safe. To feel loved.  


White  


It was the color of his mind.

************

L held Beyond thinking that maybe this was close enough to the position they were in their mother's womb. The feeling of the other being near and the sound of a heart beating. 

The warmth, the comfort, it seems so out of reach now. L tightened his hold of Beyond, tears streaming down his cheeks like small waterfalls. He looked around, seeing the white walls, and wanted to laugh. It was so wrong. White was supposed to be a good color, but it was horrible, taunting him, threatening him.

It was too bright, but not like the sun. What did Beyond always say, Freedom was the color white. Well, he was sure Beyond didn't think that anymore. L sighed. The only thing that kept him company was a small beeping sound of the heart monitor. He looked down at Beyond, who he was cuddled against on a hospital bed. Beyond, in a deep coma and L never felt so alone in the world.  


White.  


Freedom.  


"Not yet... Don't leave me yet, Beyond. Whenever you wake up, I'll give you the freedom you want. I promise."


End file.
